Depression

When it's not just a bad mood

I don't like writing serious things (mostly). I'm more of a sarcastic writer, with a touch of comedy. However in light of recent events I've decided that some things need to be said. 

Adiós my friend.

A few days ago the great Robin Williams passed away, as we are all well aware. I was (and still am) a massive fan of Robin. He lit up my childhood with fabulous movies such as Mrs Doubtfire and Aladdin and then swooped into my teen years and moved me in movies such as Dead Poet's Society. Not only was he a fabulous comedian but he could delve into the darker side of acting. I loved that. As a lover of the dramatic arts myself I think that the most talented actors are those that showcase their range of talents. An actor that delivers the same (or very similar) performances consecutively for twenty years becomes dull, tiresome, forgettable. Mr Williams never gave the same performance twice. That to me, is pure talent. So I was heartbroken when I woke up the other morning to the news of his death. But what made is all the more devastating was the fact that it was suicide. For someone's only escape to be death, to me is the saddest of all tragedies. 

Suicide is not a joke. We all know that, we've heard the campaigns, been trampled by them. Everyone knows suicide is serious, that it leaves behind a catastrophe of grief and unanswered questions. The fact that this message seems to have finally gotten through is wonderful. But it's not enough. Suicide is the end. Once someone commits suicide there is no bringing them back, no helping them. They're gone. Well of course, I hear you saying, we're not idiots. No you're not. I'm not. We've got the message, suicide is serious. But what people don't seem to get is that depression is too. 

A person's mental health is important. Without it, doing the most simple of tasks seems utterly impossible. Just living is like wading through murky water with an anchor chained to your foot. All you want to do is shake off that anchor. But what the depressed (or anyone suffering from mental illness) don't understand is that it is the anchor that is supporting them, making sure they don't leave this world before they need to. It is the murky water which needs to become clear. Life is not the problem, depression is. 

Depression causes suicidal thoughts. Depression kills. Why is that message not sinking in yet? People don't wake up one day and out of the blue decide to take their own life. Something drives them to it. The most common cause is depression. This is a disease that does not just plague young people, people in hospitals or those already dying. Depression doesn't discriminate. It targets children, the middle aged, the elderly, the rich, the beautiful, the intelligent. Anyone can get depression and it can and will cause so much destruction, in that persons life, that it will drive them to commit the most permanent of acts. But before that it will eat away at that person, laugh at them, pock them, suffocate them. It will take away their purpose, their will, their life. 

Why do I stress this so much? Because people seem to think that depression is something that comes and goes for a few weeks, they think it takes away a person's smile and their happiness. Which it does. It robs you of both. But depression is greedy and once it takes those two things it will try and steal everything else. This is a disease that will make people someone that they are not. So is it really so shocking that it would make them want to die? 

But as we've learned, with the passing of Robin Williams, depression can make us into really great liars, pretenders, actors even off stage. Faking a smile is easy, smiling on the inside not so much. The happiest around you could also be the loneliest, the saddest. Look out for those around you. Don't just assume that because a person smiles and laughs and sings ninety percent of the time means things are all rainbows and puppies inside their head. Ask everyone how they are, not just the people who's mouth turns down. If a friend opens up to you, for gods sake listen. And guess what, just because a person is depression doesn't mean they can't smile or laugh. They will still have brief happy periods, good days. They just won't be like yours or mine. If you are depressed don't be afraid to reach out. Because not only does depression make liars of the depressed but it lies to you as well. It will make you think that death is the only solution, a quick fix. I get it. You only want relief, for your suffering to end. But I'm telling you, life is actually really bloody great. You don't want to miss the opportunity that you have been given because depression is prodding you with the false hope that death will cure you. Death is a permanent solution to a problem that is temporary (if you get the right help). Depression will not last forever and one day it will get better. I don't want to sound like everyone else, and I know that if you are depressed the promise of happy times in a not so distant future won't do much for you, but its the truth.

I know a lot of people who say that they want to help people. They say, "Well one day if I'm famous" or "One day when I'm a big shot lawyer" or "One day when I have more time" that they'll help save the world, the less fortunate, the unhappy. But dear friends today is your day. You have a voice and I have a voice. Doing little things helps. Saving the world isn't about donating large sums of money or becoming an ambassador. It is about using whatever you have in your disposal to make a difference. All I ask is that you use the voice you have been given to speak to those around you. Discuss the tragic passing of this great actor which will in turn hopefully lead you to discuss depression and its serious nature. Ask the people you know if they're okay. If there is someone who you think may be depressed, anxious, not eating enough please, please speak to them. A few words could lead them to open up to you; and if they do then you need to help that person and find them help. You can't save the world alone but you might be able to lead someone to save themselves. 

Xoxo Fangirl Out 

p.s Here are some links that will hopefully help you:

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression

http://www.headspace.org.au/is-it-just-me/find-information/depression

https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Get_Help?gclid=CMz6p_LClMACFZcnvQodNTEA-w

http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines

http://psychcentral.com/lib/telephone-hotlines-and-help-lines/000173

http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Depression_Hotlines

Persistance

When the persistent need to resist...

Persistence is an excellent thing. Many of the most famous and well recognised people were persistent. Helen Keller, Alexander the Great, Martin Luther King Jr, Winston Churchill just to name a few. However many things that are excellent also have a bad side. 

Ice cream is excellent, but if consumed in too large a quantity over long periods of time is not good for you. As a lover of ice-cream this saddens me beyond belief. Why can't ice-cream be healthy and lettuce be full of calories? Seriously.

Exercise is excellent. It keeps you fit and healthy and gives you those lovely little things called endorphins. But let's be honest, there is rarely a day when we think, 'Yippee today's squat day!' 

The internet is excellent. It has helped me with assignments, to meet people on the other side of the world and it has enabled me to watch cat videos and I love myself a cat video, or ten. However, like all excellent things the internet can be really bad. It enables all the miserable, bad people to voice their 'opinions' about how much they hate everything, seriously everything. These people can't let an article about whipped cream pass them by without commenting about how stupid it is. The internet is also really fantastic at distracting people from the real world. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be the professional procrastinator that I am without the world wide web. Most likely yes, but let's just pretend its all the internet's fault.

As you can see, the excellent can also be not so excellent. Persistence is one of those excellent things that is great in small to medium doses but it can also go too far. 

I recently experienced some serious persistence in action. The persistent person was someone whom I'd known vaguely for a around five years but had been

better acquainted them in the last year. They're a male, a fairly good person, nice and seemed interested in me. But I think that had more to do with the fact that I was a single female and he was looking for someone to date. I however was not. I was not attracted to him in the physical sense or the emotional sense. There was no sparks flying on my end. I wasn't going to date someone I didn't feel it with because guess what? That's a perfectly acceptable reason. You don't have to date someone just because they want to date you. You should never go out with someone just because you like the attention they give you. 

While I didn't want to get jiggy with him he was a cool guy, funny and so I kept talking to him because (this may come as a shock to you, brace yourself) I wanted to be his friend. Wow, how amazing that a girl should ever want to be just friends with a boy that likes her. How unkind of her. Also I felt partially sorry for him. He annoyed me a lot of the time but some of the time he was really great to talk to. I do this with female friends so why is it not okay when its a member of the male species?


I made it clear to him early on that I was neither looking to date him or anyone, and that wasn't going to change. This didn't seem to faze him though. He was surprisingly resilient to my rejections. It didn't deter him at all. He'd ask me out to the movies, to his football games, to his house at least once a week, usually more. It was frustrating. I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. So I continued to tell him no, that I was busy or that I really just wasn't in to him. But the advances kept coming. Again and again and again. This happened over the course of a year and a half. Eventually I'd get so fed up I'd ignore him for months and then give in again.

Recently after not talking to him for around 3 months he started messaging me on Facebook for the thousandth time and so I thought, okay why not? I'd forgotten partially just how annoying he could be and how badly he was looking for a girlfriend. It was all cool for a weeks. Just a few invites to football matches (I don't even like football) and getting asked maybe three or four times if I was single. This for him was subtle, downplaying just how much he wanted to take me out. Then it started to turn up a notch. The asking out got more intense. Persistent Paul he was (his name isn't actually Paul). Then one night he asked me over to his house to watch a movie and he kept asking and asking and asking. I said no. No. No. No. I told him I didn't think of him that way. I told him I couldn't I was busy. I told him I just plain and simple didn't want to. But he wasn't listening. He kept going. And going and going and going. I got so fed up that I told him I had an almost boyfriend and that guy would not appreciate me hanging at some other dudes house. Finally he stopped. I'd thought about telling him this many times. Lying about having a boyfriend because I knew that would shut him up. I don't know how but deep in my gut I knew it would see him retreating off into the shadows.  

Funnily enough though, when I told people I'd done this, I was the bad guy (or rather girl). I was a liar. I was being unfair and harsh. I should have just been straight with him. They seemed to forget the fact that I had been. I'd been straight with him for a year and a half. Over and over and over. He didn't care. In the end he respected some guy he didn't known (that didn't even exist) more than my answer, no. But it was me who was in the wrong. 

Why is this so? 

I have some theories. Firstly I think it comes down to girls being told from infancy that if a guy loves you he will chase you. This is, mostly, true. But chasing is not okay if you're chasing someone who's running away from you. There comes a point in time when the chasing is no longer chasing and is just plain annoying. If the girl (or boy) continues to say no, continues to put you off either they really aren't into you (like in my case) or they're playing far to hard to get and you need to let that lady go. Pestering someone repeatedly is not romantic, so please girls and boys do not buy into this game. 

My second theory is that we're often made to feel that us girls (unless you're supermodel good looking) should fall into the arms of whoever holds even the slightest affection for us. Especially if they're a 'really nice guy'. Ladies and gentlemen let me tell you something, if a boy is so 'nice' he will be okay with being your friend, with you not being interested. Yes it may hurt them, of course. They do after all have feelings. However if they make you feel guilty, tell you they've been 'friendzoned' like your friendship is a consolation prize or put you down then they aren't very 'nice'. Like I said to this guy, we're allowed to say no aren't we? We don't have to accept any guy who wants to hold our hand. We're allowed to not find someone attractive and not want to go out with them. Provided you're polite about it (unless they don't seem to know how to accept no as an answer). You are allowed to surpass a prince if he's not charming in your eyes. 

Despite the whole situation with Persistent Paul (his anonymity I will endeavour to protect) it has taught me several important lessons. Never will I judge a girl who doesn't want to date a guy even though he's really into her. I now understand how annoying  that is and to a better extent, we are allowed to not like people romantically. It does not make us a bad or shallow person. I now realize that persistence is great but there comes a point in time when it needs to be turned down a notch (or seven in PP's case). Lastly it has taught me that never will I ever pursue someone so intensely, persistently and constantly as PP. May his courage and determination be warn down over time so that one day he will find a lucky lady that appreciates him but isn't pestered by him. 

Xoxo Fangirl Out