Why It's Totally Okay To Be Quiet

The Quiet Girl Speaks. 

Here's the deal; all my life I've been told that it's 100% not okay to be the quiet girl. On all my school reports it said the same thing, "Charlotte is a lovely student and she's progressing very well, BUT she's shy. We want her to be less quiet and open up more." Every. Single. Time.

It annoyed me and it annoyed my parents. While they'd often get frustrated when I had trouble speaking to adults they didn't like to be told that their daughter wasn't the best she could be because she was naturally quiet. But here's the thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being the quiet girl. Why? Because it's YOU. If you are naturally an introvert, shy or just plain mute then that is who you are and you shouldn't change for anybody. Being quiet isn't a flaw; in fact I'm inclined to think that it's a strength.

When you're the girl (or the boy) who isn't the first to talk or barge into group activities you have several advantages. Firstly it means you get to observe. Since being alive for eighteen years I've noticed quite a bit and I believe it's helped me not only as a writer but as a person. I see what people are hiding, I notice little things in peoples face and tone of voice and I can pick up on what others might not want you to. It's meant that as a friend, a daughter, a sister and as a human being I've been able to be more compassionate and a better listener. Secondly it's meant that people take less notice of me. This is probably a really hard thing for the non quiet types to understand but us shy peeps hate being noticed. Not all the time, sometimes we do like to get some recognition but mostly we just like to blend in. When you're quiet this is easy. Makes sense doesn't it?

But do you know what's the best about not being noticed? It means that when you really do, do (hehe, do do) something worth noticing it's even more special. When I started high school no one in my class knew who I was apart from my friends. I was the quiet girl and yes people probably knew my name they didn't really pay much attention to me and that was fine.

Then towards the latter half of the year our class began doing drama as part of our rotational elective system that you do in year eight. I may be quiet but that doesn't meant I'm not talented. My mother was an actress and she passed that ability on to me which I'd only discovered I was good at the year before and that I actually really liked it. I liked being up on stage and being noticed. I know, I know it's really odd considering that I'm shy as hell. But when I'm acting, I'm performing. I'm not me, I am the character and I am confident as that character there is barely any Charlotte visible. It's only once I come off stage, high with the adrenaline rush that acting gives me, that I become self conscious about what I just did. Long story short I'm not bad at acting and I like it.

So back to the point, the first class that we did I got up there with my friends who knew I was good and were excited to see me get to finally be noticed. We did some ridiculous sketch that had the whole class in fits of laughter even our very conservative teacher. Back then I only did comedy and my fellow actors will know just how difficult it is to get up on stage or anywhere for that matter knowing that your main aim is to make people laugh. To my shock it got me noticed. My whole class suddenly knew who I was and I was interesting, I was the girl who'd made them all laugh and they hadn't even really known me prior to that. I was like some kind of delicacy. It was great, I liked having the attention and I liked people thinking I was good at something but I was still quiet. And after a while all the attention became annoying and then eventually went away to my relief. Yes I came out of my shell a teensy bit more and yes I was slightly more confident in myself and as part of my class but I was still shy. I was still me.

For me to try and be loud and upfront and the life of the party would not be staying true to who I was. Because I've tried. For a long time I've been trying to be anything but quiet but it has never worked. I've only ever made myself sick with anxiety and felt like I was putting on a show. I hated it. So now, finally, I am comfortable in being shy. I used to think it was a dirty word. I used to think that for me to say I was shy and quiet was embarrassing but not any more. I'm okay with saying, 'hey my name's Charlotte I like books and acting but if you find me in a large crowd I'm probably not going to speak to anyone because I'm a quiet, shy person'. And you should all be okay with that too.

If we want girls to be comfortable in their bodies no matter what size their jeans are and if we want people to be able to be okay with being part of the LGBTIQ community then why can't I be okay with being shy? Why do I have to be told that my natural state of shyness is bad? I know people might think I'll be happier if I'm just a bit louder or that I'm shy because I'm insecure but that's not the case. Some of us are born shy and some of us aren't. Don't try and change me if you wouldn't want to change yourself.

Next time someone tries to tell you that its a bad thing to be shy or that you just need to be a bit more confident give them the flick. If you hate being shy then that's okay, if you want to be one of the loud people then that's okay I'm not trying to stop you from trying to do that. All I'm saying is that if you are shy and you honestly don't see any problem with your shyness except for when people tell you otherwise then just embrace it. It has its perks and yes it has its downsides but just like someone might have a wicked sense of humour it's you and you do not need to change if you don't want to.