How To Date A Fictional Character

One thing us fangirls know how to do is fall in love with someone who isn't real. No, we don't make them up in our heads we're not that crazy well at least not yet anyway in a few years this may be a real problemo. No, we are experts in going googly eyed over a fictional character. 

Now this is all well and good when life carries on after the last page is turned and Augustus Waters or Peeta Mellark is left behind. It's perfectly healthy when reading a book with a super amazing "coughunrealisticnevergonnafindtheminreallifecough* adorable and attractive character to fall head over heals in love with and wish they existed in real life. (By the way I'm secretly funding a project which is going to turn fictional characters into real life people but still you know perfect perfect.) However when one cannot sleep, eat, carry a normal conversation or stop crying there is something wrong. You've got fangirlitus. I'm sorry but its incurable. You are now addicted to fictional boys and as of yet there is no rehabilitation program I can recommend. There are steps which can help you carry on with real life (real life is for losers anyway ha ha ha ha *sobs* I have no real friends) and maybe help you stop comparing Johnny from down the road to Jace from The Mortal Instruments but really they're just prolonging your inevitable path to becoming a full fledged fangirl. Also they involve ice-cream and ice-cream isn't very healthy either. You didn't know? I AM SO SORRY. Here's some donuts they're bad for you too by the way. Oh you didn't know that either? I guess ignorance is bliss.

While the steps to trying to lead a normal life as a fangirl and get over the Peeta's and Augustus' of the fictional world and date normal, real boys (real boys smell and are hairy why would you like them?) I think its far more productive spending your time with fictional boys. Hey let's take it a step further and actually date them. You must be asking how? Oh well that's why I am here! Here's my list on how to date a fictional boy:

1. Set up the date. This means setting the mood. I think in your room far far away from outside (ew outside) is the best place for a first date with Mr. Fictional. Light some candles but remember if they get too close to your books they will burn and that is horrible. Also your whole house may proceed to light on fire and that isn't idealistic either. Make sure your you've got yourself some nice comfy pillows and the room isn't too hot or cold. Sweat isn't attractive.
2. Pick the character you want to take on a date. Now choosing Mr. Fictional is going to be hard. But remember these characters are fictional (not real). Hey! What are you doing with that knife? GET AWAY PLEASE DON'T STAB ME. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW. I AM SORRY. HERE'S SOME ICE-CREAM. Ok so now we're cool these characters are fictional so they aren't going to know if you take Tobias out on Tuesday and Simon out on Sunday now are they? So just pick one and don't antagonize over it too much.
3. Take the book Mr. Fictional is from and read. Imagine it's you with them. I recommend reading the happy parts rather than the sad ones. As a fangirl you are prone to crying and that ain't exactly going to impress your date.

That's it. Sadly as he's fictional there ain't much more you can do. But in the meantime I'm still working on that machine which'll turn fictional characters into real people. I dibs Jace Wayland/Morgenstern/Lightwood/Herondale. 


xoxo Fangirl Out.